Messed up

Hei hei.
Someone asked me about my statistics of that blog and I was really surprised. Even someone from China and Indonesia, Netherlands, United States, France, Canada and there are even more countries but those really surprised me.
Anyway couple last weeks I have felt really messed up. I enjoy my life, studies, school, all where I'm involved with but it's too much lately. I just put my psychologist time and going there today. I just need to talk with someone who is neutral, not from my group. Lately I feel like I don't wanna excist. I do think really negative thoughts I even took lot of some kind of medicine in my hand yesterday cause I just wanted to feel bad inside but I didn't take it in and I'm proud of myself cause of that. I was sittign with one friend, holding those tablets in my hand and just thought to take them in but when I was sittign there for like 45 min I changed my mind. I went and found one friend to who I tell everything about myself and just gave those to him. I didn't say anything just gave those to him and just left. Some minutes later he came to my room and hugged me. I told him I didn't take any but I really wanted. He said he was proud of me and it made me feel good. When he huggs me I feel nice and small and good. He is really tiny and thin and I call him small but he makes me feel good. When he huggs I fool comfortable and warm. He is very sweet and kind to everyone and it shines out through his hugging. I really do love him and he is like my little brother. He often makes me feel angry and mad about him and Wants me to scream but I can't leave him. He is one most important guy in my life. So I need him in my life.
I ran out of ideas. Love you all!!!
Hugs, kisses!

Mõtteid mõtteid mõtteid

Mis teeb meid ilusaks? Kas meik nöos? Kena soeng? Ilusad ja uhked riided? - Ei. Need kõik on muidugi ilusad aga need ei ole põhjuseks miks meie oleme ilusad. Mis siis teeb meid ilusaks? Meie sõbrad, sest nende jaoks oleme me ilusad. Me peame oma sõpru ilusateks... Kas siis välimuselt või sisemuselt aga nad on ilusad. Seega on sõbrad need kes teevad meid ilusateks.

Mul on kõrini mõnest inimesest. Ei ma ei saa öelda kõrini aga aegajalt viskab üle. C'mon näo ees on hull sõber ja nii lähedane, teab must kõike ja sealsamas 5 minutit hiljem eirab. Ma tean keda ma usaldan ja keda ma usun. See teeb haiget kui inimene keda sa kogu südamest usud ei suuda pidada oma lubadusi. Jah see käib sinu kohta pisikene. Kui palju sa oled lubanud igasugu asju ja neid mitte täitnud? See kriibib mul sees, lihtsalt pidin siia kirjutama. Sa oled mulle nii tähtis, väikese vennakese eest ja sealsamas ma soovin et ma suudaks su peale vihane olla. Sidn eirata, ignoreerida, blokkida, midagigi, et sa saaks aru mida ma tunnen. Mitte, et ma tahaks sulle haiget teha aga ma tahan, et sa saaks aru mis ma tunnen, mis mu sees toimub kui sa niimoodi käitud. Sa räägid, et sulle tundub, et sa eemaldud K-st ja K-st.... Mulle tundub, et sa eemaldud minust.... Oeh kui ma vaid saaks aega tagasi keerata.....

Igatahes, pole hullu, see on elu. Shaalalallalalalaaaalaaaaaa....

Aaa üks lause mis tuli just meelde. Täna kuulsin: "Kui keegi leia 3 korda põhjuse miks öelda ära millestki, siis ta tegelt ei tahagi seda". See pani mõtlema sellele, et kuna üks inimene on juba 3-4 korral leidnud vabandusi miks mitte tulla noortekale siis ta järelikult ei soovi sinna tulla kuigi ta väidab, et soovib... Aga jah see on kindlaks tehtud nii... psühholoogia. 

Kallidmusidpaid!!!