Some thoughts

I was listening song by FFH called "On my cross" and it really touched me.
Lately my life has been really messed up. I say  I am christian but it doesen't seem so. All drinkings and relations I have. And  I want to be youth leader.  I can't be a role model with that kind of attitude what   I have right now. If people knew what life I'm living they would be really suprised. It don't look like me.

So I was listening trough my videos on orkut.com and there was that song "On My Cross". I like to listen songs when I have lyrics with me too so  I searched them and that song just talked to me. If you are interested then you can search them by yourself.

Anyway I started to think who am I. Why Jesus died for me when He knew that I will sin again. Why would He love me so much that He went somewhere were I should have gone. He had nails in his arms because of me. I don't deserve that love He has for me. Why He still trust in me and have His hopes on me?

He don't give up on me why should I? He sees my heart so I believe He sees somethign more what I can see. Today in the morning I was totally depressed. I wanted to broke all mirrors I have because I didn't like myself. I was so depressed that I didn't say good things even to my very dear friend. And after that song everything changed. He sees me perfect as I am. He sees deepest in my heart. He sees what others can't see. He sees all hurt I have and all love I have. He sees everything. We can't hide anything from Him. He is still waiting there. He don't take our fears and pain when we don't give it to Him. He is waiting us to take the step.

He died for us because He loved us and because He sees what we are worth.